There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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high pressure on kids and younger to be successful in their professional lives, especially in academic subjects. Concerning that, some

people

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believe that schools should teach only traditional issues

such

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as maths, science, and languages,

instead

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of other skills like music, sports, or cookery. In

this

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way, it is argued that the students must concentrate only on academic work to get better scores. I totally disagree because all matters are important for the full development of children and teenagers. The academic curriculum should be balanced with non-academic subjects, aiming to provide a holistic background, mental health, and several skills useful for an adult life. Removing issues like physical education, cookery, or music, can release more time on the timetable to the traditional subjects, but,

on the other hand

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, can limit the range of abilities.

Besides

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this

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strategy can put a lot of pressure on young

people

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and can be very harmful to kids' evolution. I think that education should be wide and provide as many types of knowledge as possible. Each person has particular talents and schools should help each one discover their potential and capacity.

For instance

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, some

people

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are exceptionally good in sports, others in arts, and others in biology. It is not fair to limit talents

offering

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to offering

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only basic issues.

For example

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, there are a lot of successful

people

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in arts, sports, and music. The academic way is not the only path to a happy life and success.

To sum up

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, I believe that educational institutions should include in the syllabus, several areas of knowledge to form better professionals and citizens in all fields.

fmulatoSun Feb 25 2024

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Task Achievement

For a higher score in Task Achievement, aim to provide more specific examples from your own experience or observed scenarios. These should illustrate your arguments and provide concrete evidence to support your opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve Coherence and Cohesion, work on linking your ideas more fluidly between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow of your essay.

Task Achievement

In enhancing your argument, consider exploring counterarguments to your view, even if to debunk them. This can demonstrate critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Pay attention to varied sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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