IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

TOPIC: In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

#topic #years #structure #role #members #kinds #changes
Nowadays family plays an important role in one life's, It was men who are working and
women
 sit at home and do outdoor chores like washing, cleaning, cooking and many more. In our society, they say only men can earn and
women
 will sit at home doing their chores but in the 21st century everything has changed and now there are
women
 who are working as well.
This
 gives a good impact on
women
 to do their jobs irrespective of an orthodox family.  There can be many pros and cons to
this
 situation, like some people may demotivate them or some may motivate them to go ahead in life. It not only
changes
 their mentality but
also
changes
 the structure of their house and the roles of each family member. The pros are that if there can be two earning members in the family who support each other and manage each and everything it is good for family members to support them gradually. The main motive of everyone is to earn money and fulfil all their requirement and save it for the future so each and
everyone
Correct your spelling
every one
show examples
 in the family not only supports them but
also
 helps them with their household chores. The cons for
this
 situation
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that some family who is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
orthodox
families
Change the noun form
family
show examples
 does not support or want someone from their families should work rather a man who knows how to work and bring money.
This
 is not about
women
 it is about the
changes
 and mentality
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 people go through and they
marks
Change the verb form
mark
show examples
 a negative impact on others as well.  The
changes
 can occur like communication barriers between them and
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
, cannot pay proper attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their work, cannot go to their school meetings,
distrub
Correct your spelling
disturb
 minds due to stress and so on. But the good can
also
 happen with them which is like they can fulfil all their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 and
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 need they can in future live a lavish life not only that but
also
 they may go out for tours and everything.
For example
: one of my
neighbour
Change to a plural noun
neighbours
show examples
 lives with her family she
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 two children and they both go to school, and she is a working
women
Change the noun form
woman
show examples
. Every night they argue
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
communications
Change the noun form
communication
show examples
 barriers and they try to make them understand that she gets tired of her working schedule. Perhaps she
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 to control all the problems and try
solve
Fix the infinitive
to solve
show examples
 them as soon as it gets done. I would strongly
Correct your spelling
recommend
reccomend
Correct your spelling
recommend
 that everyone who is working should give time to their
Add a hyphen
in-laws
show examples
in laws
Add a hyphen
in-laws
show examples
 and as well as to their children so that they do not feel any communication gaps between them and will not only they will be happy but
also
 will help them to earn for themselves.
Submitted by kaiflohiya12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: