IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is inevitable that as technology develops, cultures must be lost. Technology and traditions are incompatible- you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#technology #cultures #traditions #incompatible-
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In the light of
technology
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, cultural preservation has become a persistent problem. Some
people
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 say that it is impossible to both develop
technology
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 and preserve traditions at the same time.
Although
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this
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 idea makes sense at some points, I believe that the advancement of
technology
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 benefits traditional conservation more than harms it. On the one hand, the loss of traditions happens more frequently and rapidly in the era of
technology
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 than ever before. First and foremost, as
technology
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 advances, it often replaces traditional production methods.
For example
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, many conventional villages are under threat because nowadays, factories have developed
products
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 faster and cheaper than handmade ones. The machinery production will indeed satisfy the consumer demand,
however
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, it will lead to the loss of meaning behind the
products
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 and the disappearance of cultural villages.
Moreover
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, the widespread of the Internet and social media may lead to the loss of uniqueness in some
cultures
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. The Internet makes it easier for
people
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 to copy and replicate a tradition. As information can be shared widely and quickly, it results in the lack of authenticity and original characteristics of the culture.
On the other hand
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, I strongly think that technological applications will help support and preserve
cultures
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 more than harm them. In the first place,
technology
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 allows more
cultures
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 to be attractive and approach more
people
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. The
technology
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 captures pictures and detailed information about exhibitions, traditional
products
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, and cultural-related customs. As
people
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 can easily get access to those resources, more and more individuals will start to know about the unique
cultures
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 in many places,
therefore
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, the
cultures
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 will be known by more
people
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, escaping from the verge of disappearance.
Additionally
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,
technology
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 creates more opportunities to store and spread information about endangered
cultures
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.
This
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 way is more beneficial than written books as it does not cost as much money and is easier for
people
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 to reach. Videos and photos,
for instance
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, are means of
technology
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 preservation that allow cultural practice and oral traditions to get future generations’ attention.
Not to mention
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 machines that are built to restore and maintain many types of cultural-related
products
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. In conclusion, it is undeniable that
technology
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 may speed up cultural erosion, my standpoint is that the advancement of machinery will preserve culture more effectively than any other way.
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task achievement
You've articulated your main points clearly and have provided strong support for your argument. To make your points even more effective, consider adding more specific examples to further substantiate your claims.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between your ideas. While your essay is logically structured, using a wider range of cohesive devices could enhance readability. For example, in your first body paragraph, phrases like 'In addition to this' or 'Furthermore' can help guide the reader through your points seamlessly.
introduction and conclusion present
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion. These sections effectively frame your argument and provide a solid foundation for your discussion.
supported main points
You have supported the main points of your argument with relevant examples and explanations, making your argument compelling and easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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