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Band 7

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, medicine is developed more than ever before so which leads to the rise of humanity's health and life duration. In my opinion, the upsides of medical improvements outweigh the drawbacks and in
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, I will set out to explain why.
First
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of all, those who do not have any health issues
brings
Change the verb form
bring

The verb brings does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 more benefits to society.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if they do not take days off or sick leaves it will help a company to have more revenue.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, due to the growth of demand for different products, there is a variety of offers to the customers which helps
increase
Add an article
the increase

The noun phrase increase seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 of local economy.
Second
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, individuals from countries with high-standard medical help
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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suffer from the complications of serious diseases. Relatives of those feel happiness when they understand the fact their family members are in a good shape, strong and do not need any help.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, one of the most obvious downsides is that the planet becomes overpopulated.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some countries have already suffered from that issue so their governments imposed a law limiting the number of kids in one family. Many citizens find that decision inappropriate so the number of protests is rising as well as the individuals’ dissatisfaction with their officials. To conclude, there is no doubt in a great improvement in medical field cognition which helps us live longer.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, unfortunately, that may be a cause of a huge crisis in some regions. Personally, I think if we continue investing in medical care it will help us find a key to immortality once and we definitely could find the best solution how to handle population growth.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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