Some countries motivate students to take up part-time jobs while others disagree.

The massive responsibility of guiding
children
Use synonyms
toward the correct path of life is on the shoulders of parents.
While
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some communities encourage
children
Use synonyms
to find a temporary job, in my view,
although
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underestimating the importance of occupation is not logical in their personal growth, it does not necessarily mean
children
Use synonyms
do it at any cost. On the one hand, finding an occupation plays a crucial role in boosting spiritual teamwork among school-goers. To clarify, it allows them to spend time beside people with different backgrounds and cultures. In
this
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way, they have the chance to get a long way with different attitudes, which may result in increasing tolerance and peace for them.
Hence
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, they can adapt easily to work with a wide variety of individuals later in society.
On the other hand
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,
children
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are too young to be busy doing complex responsibilities. In fact, in
this
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age, they have the chance to shape their future by broadening their horizons toward academic studies, which makes a valuable contribution to benefiting from a higher standard of living in their adulthood.
Moreover
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,
this
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causes stress for schoolchildren, since they do not have enough time to do their assignments. If they cannot get good marks than their peers, they may suffer from anxiety
due to
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their poor performance in the educational environment. In conclusion,
while
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taking responsibility, like part-time work, can be really beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
in terms of social skills, it is not fair to sacrifice
this
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important age of childhood for the sake of learning some skills.

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task response
Your answer does not fully fit the task. It talks about parents more than the idea of countries that push students to work. State your view on this idea in the first lines and stay with it.
coherence
Link ideas in a clear way. Use easy connects like first, next, also, but, so. Put your ideas in a straight line: idea, reason, example.
structure
Clear main plan with on the one hand / on the other hand.
content
Shows some good ideas on social skills and effect on study.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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