IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

discuss advantages and disadvantages of on demand streaming services

#demand #services
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Popular streaming services
are
Verb problem
have
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 become an integral part of our lives nowadays, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era. Some
people
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 believe that it has merits and demerits, but other
people
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 and I, disagree with that statement
due to
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 its harmful and detrimental effects ,especially on children and the younger generation in the world. In
this
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 essay, I will argue both points of view. On the one hand, constantly watching TV shows and series can influence the mental health of either kids or their parents. If they only watch
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 series or online streaming movies they will become couch potatoes. Nowadays watching television is
raising
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rising
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 day by day,
however
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; the
word health
Correct your spelling
World Health
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organization
Capitalize word
Organization
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 has taken measures to tackle
this
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 issue. Lack of regular exercise in
people
Use synonyms
's lives can lead to obesity and illnesses like diabetes.
People
Use synonyms
 who watch television can lose track of time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, watching movies with your relatives can enhance your relationship with your
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
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 ones and can show your love towards them. We can be informed by online streaming of other cultures and traditions outside of our region and it is interesting and essential if you ask me. Based on psychology, watching either comedy movies or drama could aid your brain's cells to survive during hard circumstances.
Submitted by melika7amouian9 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the advantages and disadvantages of on-demand streaming services. Each point should be clearly presented and supported.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and cohesive transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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