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Band 2.5

Young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has a negative effect on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #time #malls #effect #society
Nowadays,
this
 is
trend
Add an article
a trend
the trend
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
people
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
 their leisure
time
 in shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 and markets rather than playing sports and outdoor activities.
This
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
negative effects not only
younger
Change preposition
on younger
show examples
people
 but
also
society
Change preposition
on society
show examples
.
Therefore
, I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 point of view and I will give you
explanation
Add an article
an explanation
show examples
 in
ensuing
Correct article usage
the ensuing
show examples
 paragraphs. To being with, there are several
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
 on young
people
 who spend their leisure
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping.
Firstly
, young
people
 waste their quality
time
 and money.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 shopping mall
display
Add a comma
,display
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
items to
people
 easily manipulate.
Therefore
, they present very well to
people
attrect
Correct your spelling
attract
 and purchase things.
Moreover
,
Correct your spelling
these days
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
 outdoor activities
such
 as volleyball, cricket and other social activities trend
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been decreased because youngsters their most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 give in shopping in
these
Change the determiner
this nagetive effect
these nagetive effects
show examples
nagetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effect not only
younger
Change preposition
on younger
show examples
people
 but
also
society
Change preposition
on society
show examples
.
In addition
, the years of twenties of to thirties period is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 golden
years
Change the noun form
year
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life , in these years
people
 have to chance
achieving
Change the verb form
to achieve
show examples
 their goals. They focused on your studies.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger
people
 spend their
time
 in shopping malls and spending their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 money.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 survey of
time
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 India that 70% of younger
people
 spend their
time
 in malls and
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 shopping
unwanted
Change preposition
for unwanted
show examples
 things.
Submitted by jeetkacha13 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail outlets
  • consumerism
  • advertising
  • local businesses
  • neighborhood communities
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • socialize
  • amenities
  • economic growth
  • cultural homogenization
  • ecological footprint
  • entertainment
  • trends
  • brand loyalty
  • spending habits
  • mall culture
  • local shops
  • health implications
  • job opportunities
  • tourism
  • consumer debt
  • environmental impact
  • energy consumption
  • waste generation
What to do next:
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