IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is uploaded to the internet.Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#books #internet #outweigh
Several decades ago, many people bought books to learn knowledge.
However
, in the digital era, the
internet
 covers  knowledge. There are both benefits and drawbacks to
this
 ongoing trend. I still believe that the advantages exceed the drawbacks of
this
 trend.
Firstly
, one of the disadvantages of
internet
 connection nowadays is that studying 24 hours a day, seven days a week  is going to saturate your brain and likely cause you to shrink your brain system or get illnesses like schizophrenia and so on.
Furthermore
, being addicted to the
internet
 all day led to the loss of traditional
book
 culture. Many of us always prefer to utilize the
internet
 in order to find our requirements. But, in the past, books were a good solution to
this
 problem.
In addition
, homeschooling often gets a bad reputation because it removes kids from school and denies them the opportunities to develop socially and make friends.
Consequently
, children have stress and a tedious time at home without any adventure.
However
,
this
 shift is devoid of challenges because there are numerous benefits to these online- connections.
Firstly
, an
internet
 connection helps with the communication system, especially at several distances between two relatives than in the past, because many people went to their destination to make conservation before.
Secondly
, to read a
book
 in the past, we figured out a clear location before we read a
book
 in a library, but nowadays we may read them wherever there is an
internet
 connection.
For example
, online
book
 sites like Netflix or IMDb are common nowadays. And, it requires a lower payment than going there because if someone goes to the theatre to watch a movie, it requires a lot more money than watching it online at home. In conclusion, despite the several drawbacks of the
internet
, the benefits outweigh the cons.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which is a strong point. However, the argumentation could be more logically structured. Consider organizing your points more clearly, ensuring that each paragraph has a single main idea that is fully developed and supported.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to clarify your points. Discussing real-life scenarios or studies can help illustrate your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic and concludes with a clear stance, which aligns well with the task requirements.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes your key points, providing a clear end to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • E-learning
  • Virtual libraries
  • Cyberspace
  • Search engine literacy
  • Critical evaluation skills
  • Open-source information
  • Data mining
  • Intellectual property
  • Digital preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: