IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

#children #games #reason #violence #crime #cities #world
New online streaming platforms provide
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
wide range of computer
games
, which contain variations of
crime
 and
violence
. Some people believe that
violence
 in the major cities increased due to
effect
Correct article usage
the effect
show examples
 of computer
games
. I believe that online
games
 have affected
children
's behaviours and
this
 changed the
crime
 rates.
Children
 tend to imitate what they see in
games
 without questioning them.
Games
 with
violence
 give
children
 an opportunity to discover
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
.
Moreover
,
children
 cannot distinguish the results of
crime
, when they believe that it is just a game.
For example
, a
child
 can get physical with their friends
as a result
 of an unagreement without knowing the
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 consequences of
violence
. We must teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
, how to distinguish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
virtual one.
In addition
 to the discussed point of view, another problem can get
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
surface
Add an article
the surface
a surface
show examples
 when a
child
 plays
crime
games
so
Change preposition
for so
show examples
 many hours. The problem is that
crime
games
 are designed with so many details due to
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of reality.Because of these details, a
child
 may learn how to commit a
crime
.
Therefore
, they get curious about how
Correct your spelling
committing
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 a
crime
 feels.
For instance
, if a
child
influenced
Add a missing verb
is influenced
show examples
 by
games
, with the knowledge gained through
games
 they can plan creative crimes.
This
 causes
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
violence
 in the cities because
police
Add an article
the police
show examples
 might face a unique
crime
 and may not be able to find who
commit
Change the form of the verb
committed
show examples
 the
crime
. In conclusion,
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 computer
games
 have a bad influence on
children
.
This
 influence can cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rise of
crime
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Parents must be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the context of their
children
's
games
 and examine these
games
 before letting them play.
Submitted by yigitakyolmd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: