IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #development #sport #art #school #students #support #sports #events
Due to globalisation ,
Correct your spelling
governments
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to fund
Correct your spelling
professional
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
sports
 and
arts
 events in various ways.I totally disagree with
this
 direction,they need to encourage the development of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and art for
school
 students . In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 we will highlight why
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 prominent with examples. In the beginning,children in any society
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 future,by default supporting schools
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing their physical and
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 skills is very important.
For instance
,when you fund a child in
Correct your spelling
elementary
elementery
Correct your spelling
elementary
school
 whom you find is talented in any kind of
sports
 or
arts
 ,will help gain
accumelated
Correct your spelling
accumulated
 talents that could change the country's future in the long-term,like what happened in China in the late 60s ,they supported students with all tools they need.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 we can all see the golden medals Chinese competitors
colloected
Correct your spelling
collected
 in
2020
Correct article usage
the 2020
show examples
 Olympics .
Furthermore
,raising funds
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age will save a lot of money and wasted energy for
Correct your spelling
governments
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 in the near future.
For example
, when you already built a capable contest whether in
sports
 or
arts
 ,supporting him
/
her
later on
Add the comma(s)
, later on,
show examples
 will not cost like when you support him in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 stages,and
also
 he
/
she will give you better results when he
/
she is well based in childhood.
In Addition
,representing your nation in international events will be an
add
Change the verb form
added
show examples
 value for
Correct your spelling
governments
government
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 when their
Correct your spelling
contestant
contestent
Correct your spelling
contestant
 is well supported since
school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and will give him the motive to compete in the name of his
/
her country. In a nutshell,I agree that
Correct your spelling
governments
government
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should support
school
 students
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age
instead
 of burdening themselves and the
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 spending only on useless
arts
 and
sports
Correct your spelling
occasions
occasssions
Correct your spelling
occasions
, like Worldcup ,
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 and other art events.
Submitted by mazenabujabal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: