as well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that making money is the purpose and not anything else is more important than profits. In comparison to
this
group, others think that business has social responsibilities
besides
the amount of earnings.
However
, I agree with the latter
one
because of the important effects of being sociable and taking the public’s satisfaction as the priority to achieve success in every career.   On the
one
hand, in contemporary society, the role of being sociable has become the most important factor in being prosperous.
That is
to say, even though, qualification is
one
of the vital features to achieve success or have a demanding business that can support individual income, having a strong bond with the public is more effective than related skills.
Therefore
, in my perspective, social responsibility means that the value of a relationship
also
obeying the rolls might strengthen the social bond.
For instance
, big companies cannot stay ahead of other businesses unless evaluate public needs and are close to
people
from different walks of life. On the
one
hand, in recent years
people
have respected businesses that always take care of the public’s satisfaction.
In other words
, if companies want to grab market share, they do not have any choice except to provide fulfilling services that not only boost public trust but
also
might widen their customers. By way of example, after-sale services are
one
of the main keys to
people
.
Therefore
, having quality after-sales services is more likely that bring the majority of
people
satisfied. In conclusion, I do believe that, unless companies care about social responsibilities, success will not be achieved.
Submitted by Raeisinarges1995 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion were present, but could be strengthened with clearer thesis statements and summaries of the argument.
support
Develop fully supported main points with specific examples. Some of the arguments were not fully supported, and examples were either not specific or not present to illustrate the points made.
cohesion
Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to organize your essay coherently. While there was some attempt at organization, the logical flow from one point to the next could be improved.
task completion
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay should cover both views presented in the question to a satisfactory extent. In this case, the response was somewhat incomplete as it did not fully explore the contrast between the importance of making money versus social responsibilities.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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