The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

In these abrupt times, obesity is an unusual concern. The number of people getting overweight is an extra burden on the
health
system to diagnose
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
while
some folks opine that to cop up with
this
issue fitness subjects should be added in the academic programme.
However
, I completely disagree with
this
given notion.
This
essay intends to explicate my views by taking instances and demonstrating my arguments.
to begin
with, adding physical education to schooling education will not be effective as children
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
most of their time at home. To be more precise, children follow their
parents
so if
parents
are
health
conscious youngsters will follow them.
For instance
, if guardians are strength freaky and they wake up early morning for a walk
consequently
, younger would follow the same steps in order to keep themselves healthy.
In other words
,
parents
must encourage children to exercise so that, they would not only avoid corpulency but
also
stay away from many other normal
health
issues. Henceforth, fitness education must be on a practice base
instead
of a theory.
on the other hand
, I have a few more points to support my idea. The first and foremost factor is
diet
. Even though people do intensive physical activities
yet
Rephrase
apply
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,
diet
plays a significant role. To be more exact, to control one's weight must focus on a
diet
by adding more green items in
comparing
Verb problem
comparison to
show examples
meaty foods.
For example
, most non-vegetarian foods are rich in high calories and as
result
Correct article usage
a result
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easily gain fat. Provide with facts,
excessive
Correct word choice
that excessive
show examples
consumption of fizzy drinks frequently leads to obesity.
Moreover
, authorities can impose extra duties on sugary drinks so that people refrain from their consumption.
Therefore
, folks should care about their
diet
as per their calorie need In conclusion, I tend to reiterate that
although
many folks want to launch physical literacy in the school system so that the
health
care system can be free to deal with another issue in spite of caring for obesity
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I strongly assert that it is self-practice and
parents
must act.
Submitted by misbahamzahir8 on

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's stance and approach to the topic. Also, develop a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details. Additionally, use transitional words and phrases to create coherence and cohesion within and between paragraphs.
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