The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem by humanity at the present time What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

The world's population has significantly increased, which has an impact on many sectors.
This
condition can be a threat, leading to the downfall of humanity.
However
, I believe
this
is not the greatest
problem
, considering there are other problems
such
as Global Warming that result in disastrous events, which are hard to control. The people who marry at a young age will be a crucial cause for a high population because they tend to have a desire to make a big family
due to
following their beliefs .
Additionally
, the lack of proper education, particularly about maternity, results in having many babies at the same time and does not understand the importance of giving a gap in each pregnancy.
For example
, young couples believe that having a lot of children will bring good fortune to the family.
Therefore
, they try to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their beliefs without considering the negative effects on the mother’s health. Some countries have established a strategy to overcome
this
issue, which is by educating and giving intervention about maternity health to young couples.
This
strategy has been proven to be an effective approach, though it needs to be implemented consistently.
Thus
, I disagree that
this
problem
is the greatest
problem
for humanity since there is a solution for it, compared to global warming, which is more severe and damaging to people widely. To summarize, people's beliefs and lack of education can lead to the raising of the world's population.
Nevertheless
, it can be solved gradually, considering there is a way to overcome it, which makes
this
issue not the greatest
problem
for humanity.
Instead
of that, I believe there is a greater
problem
to be faced,
such
as global warming.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

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task achievement
Develop the argument on why the rise in population is not the greatest problem in more depth with additional examples or different perspectives.
task achievement
Include more specific data or sources to strengthen the essay's arguments and improve the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure seamless connections between ideas by using a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that outline and summarize the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the influence of beliefs and lack of education.
task achievement
The argument that global warming might be a greater problem is clearly introduced with some support, showing an understanding of a larger global context.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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