IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Something that money is a good gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#money #gift #teenagers
Gift giving
Add a hyphen
Gift-giving
show examples
 is a form of
love
 language for some people, including
parents
. Being able to provide
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 wishes could make them feel better
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their parenting method.
However
, it is arguable that
Add a hyphen
gift-giving
show examples
gift giving
Add a hyphen
gift-giving
show examples
 is a good form of
love
 for
teenagers
. Overall,
perception
Correct article usage
the perception
show examples
 of the purpose of rewarding
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 might
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
 many popular and
Correct your spelling
unpopular
show examples
un-popular
Correct your spelling
unpopular
show examples
 opinions. Showering
Correct your spelling
adolescents
adolecents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 with gifts could give them a positive impression
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 being loved by people.
Teenagers
 usually have difficulties
to show
Change the verb form
showing
show examples
 their emotions to their families,
thus
 might be the result of their childhood. Generally, wealthy
parents
 will buy gifts to bribe them to open up about their feelings or to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time.
For instance
, buying
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new games or dresses might give a bonding time for mother and daughter or father and son.
Also
,
this
 might leads to children
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 comfortable and
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
 their part of
story
Add an article
the story
show examples
.
However
, despite being a good way to build a closer relationship with the
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
,
gift giving
Add a hyphen
gift-giving
show examples
 might
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 own negative impacts. Wealthy
parents
 who used
this
 method to show
love
 toward
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 might unintendedly raise
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spoiled
Correct your spelling
adolescents
adolescent
adolecents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
. Being used to getting their demands as
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 act of
love
,
teenagers
 thought that they have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
power above their
parents
.
This
 might leads to them
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 entitled as well as
disrespect
Wrong verb form
disrespecting
show examples
 elders. Based on my experience as a tour leader for plenty of family holidays,
teenagers
 who feel entitled might act out anywhere and anytime they want until their demand
delivered
Add a missing verb
is delivered
show examples
. Leaving with no options,
parents
 choose to listen to their teenage daughters at that time. In conclusion, many
parents
 choose
gift giving
Add a hyphen
gift-giving
show examples
 as their
love
 language,
however
, some people might
Correct your spelling
overdo
show examples
over do
Correct your spelling
overdo
show examples
 it.
This
 is a tricky act of
love
 that needs both
parents
 and
teenagers
 to understand the purpose of the
gift
, especially expensive ones.
Submitted by octavianifebby on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: