IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
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It is undeniable that we are living in a modern world where anyone has the accessibility to almost every data they need.
As a result
Linking Words
, many assume that it is good to be accessible to as much
information
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 as possible in various fields
such
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 as science, business and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 world. Meanwhile, others think that some
information
Use synonyms
 can’t be shared freely as it is too crucial or
too
Replace the word
to
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 treasury. On the one hand, that
information
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 should be available for all
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 to access can provides knowledge. To illustrate, in the medical
field
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,
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 data shared not only provides methods to cure illnesses but
also
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 helps a lot in an emergency. In the
field
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 of commerce, global-shared
information
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 plays an important role in promoting globalization which contributes to overall development.
On the other hand
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, some
information
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 should not be widely shared
such
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 as top secret and internal
information
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 due to the highly competitive market in business. With regard to risks, no one can guarantee whether wide-shared
information
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 is used for appropriate objects or not.
Wrong
Correct article usage
The wrong
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 use of
information
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 can lead to many unpredictable troubles for firms. In conclusion, there are many factors and reasons which make a never-ending conflict between
group
Correct article usage
the group
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 of people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
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 that
information
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 should be shared widely and the other group
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that
information
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 is too important to be shared. And from my perspective, I partly agree with
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 sides because I believe that what really matters is the
field
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 where data is shared.
Information
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 should be shared
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 everyone in the scientific
field
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
, it should be kept securely in the business
field
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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