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Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
It is undeniable that we are living in a modern world where anyone has the accessibility to almost every data they need.
As a result
, many assume that it is good to be accessible to as much
information
 as possible in various fields
such
 as science, business and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 world. Meanwhile, others think that some
information
 can’t be shared freely as it is too crucial or
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
 treasury. On the one hand, that
information
 should be available for all
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 to access can provides knowledge. To illustrate, in the medical
field
,
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 data shared not only provides methods to cure illnesses but
also
 helps a lot in an emergency. In the
field
 of commerce, global-shared
information
 plays an important role in promoting globalization which contributes to overall development.
On the other hand
, some
information
 should not be widely shared
such
 as top secret and internal
information
 due to the highly competitive market in business. With regard to risks, no one can guarantee whether wide-shared
information
 is used for appropriate objects or not.
Wrong
Correct article usage
The wrong
show examples
 use of
information
 can lead to many unpredictable troubles for firms. In conclusion, there are many factors and reasons which make a never-ending conflict between
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
 of people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that
information
 should be shared widely and the other group
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 that
information
 is too important to be shared. And from my perspective, I partly agree with
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 sides because I believe that what really matters is the
field
 where data is shared.
Information
 should be shared
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 everyone in the scientific
field
.
Conversely
, it should be kept securely in the business
field
.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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