Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that verbal and physical harassment are quite ubiquitous.
This
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essay will discuss the reasons for bullying,
such
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as inadequate proper parental supervision, and the possible solutions like raising awareness about the detrimental effects of bullying that we can provide to prevent
this
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phenomenon from affecting our kids' confidence in the future.
To begin
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with, there are many causes for bullying.
Firstly
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, children who have been victims of bullying, or are vulnerable to bullying, often suffer from parents neglection and lack of proper supervision.
In other words
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, if parents were monitoring their children sufficiently, they would prevent any form of potential bullying.
In addition
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, being shy or over-secretive is one of the main factors of the issue.
For example
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, when a child gets bullied
on
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apply
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, they should immediately take action to prevent
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type of
behavior
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behaviour
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,
however
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, several children prefer to stay quiet and not show their weaknesses to anyone even if the person could offer help. In terms of possible solutions to tackle
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problem, one of which is raising awareness through lectures or the internet about how damaging
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problem can be
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society.
Thus
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, informing people of how dangerous
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is, and lowering
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actions.
Moreover
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,
although
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this
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is an ongoing solution, it is worth mentioning, which is stating laws against the topic.
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, anyone who commits
such
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actions should be held accountable and face evaluated punishments. In conclusion, there are many triggers related to the issue. It is
also
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true that we can tackle it if we address the issue appropriately.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides some reasons for bullying, as well as solutions, but it could be improved by providing more details and examples to support the arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of ideas is generally clear, but the linking between sentences and paragraphs can be made smoother. Try to use more cohesive devices to enhance flow.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the explanations of your points. For instance, you could further elaborate on how increasing parental supervision might prevent bullying.
task achievement
The essay introduces the topic clearly and outlines the main points that will be discussed, which is a good practice in essay writing.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a reasonable structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing thoughts.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bullying
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Diversity
  • Adolescent
  • Mimic
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Cyberbullying
  • Peer pressure
  • Social acceptance
  • Awareness
  • Conflict resolution
  • Peer mediation
  • Consequences
  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Open communication
  • Vulnerable
  • Buddy system
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