IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #money #tickets #events #development
It is said that some
people
 purchase a ticket in order to go to
events
 or
stadium
Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
show examples
 to see
playing
Add an article
the playing
show examples
 of
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
,
thus
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a huge amount of
money
.From my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
this
 is positive because it is entertaining and helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
charity
. Watching
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a play of
profession
Replace the word
professional
show examples
 sportsman can be grossing for lots of
sports
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
 as they get happy
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
 by doing what they want. In
modern
Add an article
the modern
a modern
show examples
 competitive
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
a great deal of
Change the quantifier
a lot of
many
plenty of
show examples
people
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their workplace , which
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not give them satisfaction and
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 boring
time
,
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 long
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
day .As
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they want
spend
Add the particle
to spend
show examples
 their valuable
time
 at weekend or holidays by visiting
sports
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 or
events
 of
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they love
such
 as rewarding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Oscar
Correct article usage
an Oscar
show examples
 or grammy. So all of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
events
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 too
entairtaining
Correct your spelling
entertaining
 for
people
 relatively their daily routine.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 in my
country
Add a comma
,country
show examples
 most fraction of
inhabitants
Correct article usage
the inhabitants
show examples
 who visit
sports
 event is adult or
people
 who work.
Money
 which is got from
income
Add an article
the income
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 buying
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tickets goes to
charity
Add an article
a charity
the charity
show examples
 which helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals and
people
.
In many
Change preposition
Many
show examples
 modern companies that held
sports
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 or
events
 direct their 5% of
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
 to
charity
fond
Correct your spelling
fund
show examples
.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 support
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
 and animal who suffer from damage.
as a result
 the life condition of orphans or animals becomes significantly better.
For instance
 , the country Russia which held
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 cup champion of football in 2018
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
money
 from income from
fan
Add an article
a fan
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
football to
charity
/ In conclusion,
people
 spend a big amount of
money
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying tickets in order to spend
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
time
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their family and
money
 from
events
 goes to supporting
charity
Submitted by argyn-34 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: