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Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
In recent years, there are many students
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
show examples
 to gap for a
year
 after they finished high school. Some people think it is an opportunity to increase
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 life skills and relax. But
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
 people think we should not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do that. In my opinion, there are both advantages and disadvantages.
Like
Correct word choice
As
show examples
 I refer
in
Change preposition
to in
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 the beginning. We can catch
this
 time to
work
, it not only can help us to earn some money but
also
 it is a good choice
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
social
Replace the word
socialising
show examples
. We can learn more skills which
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the textbooks.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 I feel that it is important to have some life
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 when we
at
Add a missing verb
are at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college. So we can use
this
year
 to let us become more individuals.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 we can use
this
year
 to
travel
. As says
going
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
,"
Ones
Change to a genitive case
One's
show examples
work
 is his world. "We can
built
Change the verb form
build
show examples
 our confidence from the
travel
 and meet new people from some other places. And you know, there are heavy
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in the university. So that we are not
easily
Replace the word
easy
show examples
 to go for s trip.
Although
 it has many benefits to
travel
 , there are several drawbacks. It can be argued
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 the mind to study after
this
 gap
year
. About the person who decided to
travel
 in the gap
year
.
It
Add a verb
isIt
wasIt
show examples
 hard to contribute to a
such
 difficult thing after we enjoy a
no pressure
Add a hyphen
no-pressure
show examples
year
. And if we
work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
year
, we may think that it is not necessary to study for university. Because we already
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to
work
. Unlike study is the mental
improve
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
. To
work
 can
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 physical income. In
concludes
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, there are both
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 to
travel
 or not. I think it
is depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on your own thinking.
Submitted by melindaguan0704 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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