IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important decision that young people have to follow is what career to choose. do you agree or disagree?

#decision #people #career
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It may be true that the most crucial issue for teenagers is selecting their career path.
This
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 essay will examine
this
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 controversial topic and
then
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 give supporting ideas to the disagreement of
this
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 statement. Admittedly, occupations are one of the essential aspects of human lives
whereas
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 cannot claim that as the most important topic, life-improving is not only dependent on a career but
also
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 skills and knowledge accumulation as well.
Although
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, working
as a result
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 of the development process
job
Use synonyms
 positions can not maintain
people
Use synonyms
's life stability in the long term; especially in a world that coincides with rapid change. Apparently,
people
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 may settle for their new jobs in a short period because they know their abilities which are a suit or not suit for
this
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 work. To illustrate,
due to
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 economic downturn in the future some businesses may downsize their sector relatively to unemploy their worker so most juveniles will be experienced with new
job
Use synonyms
 seeking many times
On the other hand
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, making decisions in the field of
education
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 is the most crucial factor for young
people
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. Owning to, students'
education
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 can forecast their way of life even though they will face many difficulties
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
expertise skills could help them to overcome them easily. Selecting what to learn is superior to only concentrating on the jobs because
this
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 information will stick with
people
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's lives forever not the title of the
job
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.
Moreover
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, one of the elements, when young
people
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 apply for work,
people
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 apply for work is the
education
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 requirement, it is indicated what kind of
job
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 positions are available for them. Especially, teenager enhancement is related to subjects that they learn,
for example
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, if someone
study
Change the verb form
studies
show examples
 about science, he or she will have basic knowledge and become a scientist someday.
To conclude
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, I intend to disagree with
this
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 statement for all
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 addressed above. If they choose the wrong
job
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 they can change it but not for
education
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fundamental
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by pnchanikan on

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task response
Ensure that the response addresses all aspects of the task prompt and presents a clear position. Provide more specific examples to support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Organize ideas in a more coherent manner, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic and supporting details. Use transition words to connect ideas and improve overall coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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