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Band 6.5

The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television.

#internet #impact #people’s #lives #television
Nowadays,
people
use
 the
Internet
 a lot more than television and the
Internet
 has an effect on them. I agree with the opinion that Social networks and news on the
Internet
 which becoming more popular has an effect on our generation because of its opportunities and popularity. It is possible to do some actions easier with the help of the
Internet
.
Internet
 makes it possible to do a lot of things fast and far.
For example
,
people
 can shop, pay some money and connect with each other at home.
Also
 now there is no difficulty
to watch
Change preposition
in watching
show examples
 videos and
read
Wrong verb form
reading
show examples
 new news on the
Internet
. So, using the
Internet
 makes our lives easier and it becoming more popular than television.
Due to
 the popularity of the
Internet
people
 and the young generation are becoming more dependent on Social networks.
People
 play, do homework, watch videos and even learn to do something with the help of the
Internet
 and it is impossible to imagine our lives without it.
For instance
, the interview that was taken with teenagers in Kazakhstan has shown information about how long these young
people
use
 the
Internet
 connection.
According to
 the interview, 70% of teenagers
use
 the
Internet
 about 6-10 hours a day, and the other 30% of them
use
 social networks about 4 hours a day
due to
 the lessons.It means that nowadays the
Internet
 is becoming a part of our lives, and it will have an effect on us.
To conclude
, the
Internet
 connection is more popular now because of its opportunities and it is affecting our generation. sometimes later it would not be possible to live without the
Internet
.
Submitted by bekeyeva_a on

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Work on maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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