The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lesions in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lesions #school #curriculum

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Obesity is a serious

problem

that destroys the body of people

which

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

hard to deal with that

problem

because of the high number of obesity. Some people argue that schools should deal with

this

problem

by providing physical education lessons in the

school

curriculum. I strongly agree with

this

statement. In

this

essay, I will provide my reasons. On the one hand, schools should deal with

this

problem

to reduce the number of overweight by presenting more physical education in the

school

curriculum

for example

, by taking at least half an hour to do exercise for

students

to solve

this

problem

such

as running, jumping, and swimming.

Furthermore

, they should do some posters and messages in the background of each class to remind

students

about

this

problem

Thus

this

will lead a great results for

students

Moreover

, schools should encourage all

students

regularly by ,

for example

, a course and building a suitable place to do exercise. A prime example of

this

school

name Hind has an enormous and charming place for

students

to attract them to do sports which is colourful and has many kinds of sports

such

as basketball, football matches, and a swimming pool.

Thus

this

will lead to a decline in the number of overweight. In conclusion,In conclusion, I somewhat agree that physical exercise embedded in

school

curriculums plays a critical role in reducing the weight of overweight people since they are more motivated to participate in various kinds of training that match their interests.

However

, they should

also

gain helpful advice from friends and medical staff on the types of food they consume.

Submitted by maha.wed on Tue Oct 15 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure you provide clear transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of the essay.

task achievement

Strengthen your argument by adding more specific examples or statistics related to obesity and physical education.

coherence cohesion

Clarify your main points further with well-defined paragraphs focusing on a single aspect of your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay clearly asserts a position in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion.

task achievement

You propose practical solutions, like enhancing physical education, with some examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Some people think that the public would be beneficial if all forms of advertisements were banned since they are not only useful but also harmful, I am definitely not convinced by this view point because of believing that advertising is extremely useful to human society.
6.5
band
Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Whether or not countries should develop their living standard by economic development is now a debate. The writer, however, advocates that the benefits of enhancing educational background along with reducing the unemployment rate totally outweigh the cost of widening the rich gap.
4.5
band
Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
We can See that in these days become more attention on their health and their diets. However Some persons think that the individuals responsibile of their own health and diet. others believe that governments must take Care and sure that their Citizens have healthy diet.
5.5
band
Many people think that the government should spend more money on providing faster and cheaper means of public transport.some others think that there are important factors to take in consideration like (fuel,cost and environment) Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Nowadays, the main concerns are associated with environmental issues and transportation. While some argue that the authorities should offer less expensive public transportation, others believe that the major focus should be on the establishment of green policies considering many aspects affecting society. This essay will explore both viewpoints and provide my opinion.
5
band
To meet the growing need for food to support an increasing population, a country should make use of edible insects as a food source. However, some people believe that insects are not only unhealthy but harvesting them will also negatively affect nature. What are the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is no doubt the fact that the population growht has required another sources of food to satisfy people’s requirements. While it is a commonly held belief that insects can be a food option, others argue that this option not only has a detrimental impact on health but also on nature. This essay will analysis the pros and cons of eating insects

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people think that the government should spend more money on providing faster and cheaper means of public transport.some others think that there are important factors to take in consideration like (fuel,cost and environment) Discuss both views and give your opinion?