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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lesions in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lesions #school #curriculum
Obesity is a serious
problem
 that destroys the body of people
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 hard to deal with that
problem
 because of the high number of obesity. Some people argue that schools should deal with
this
problem
 by providing physical education lessons in the
school
 curriculum. I strongly agree with
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, I will provide my reasons. On the one hand, schools should deal with
this
problem
 to reduce the number of overweight by presenting more physical education in the
school
 curriculum
for example
, by taking at least half an hour to do exercise for
students
 to solve
this
problem
such
 as running, jumping, and swimming.
Furthermore
, they should do some posters and messages in the background of each class to remind
students
 about
this
problem
.
Thus
,
this
 will lead a great results for
students
.
Moreover
, schools should encourage all
students
 regularly by ,
for example
, a course and building a suitable place to do exercise. A prime example of
this
school
 name Hind has an enormous and charming place for
students
 to attract them to do sports which is colourful and has many kinds of sports
such
 as basketball, football matches, and a swimming pool.
Thus
,
this
 will lead to a decline in the number of overweight. In conclusion,In conclusion, I somewhat agree that physical exercise embedded in
school
 curriculums plays a critical role in reducing the weight of overweight people since they are more motivated to participate in various kinds of training that match their interests.
However
, they should
also
 gain helpful advice from friends and medical staff on the types of food they consume.
Submitted by maha.wed on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you provide clear transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by adding more specific examples or statistics related to obesity and physical education.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your main points further with well-defined paragraphs focusing on a single aspect of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay clearly asserts a position in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion.
task achievement
You propose practical solutions, like enhancing physical education, with some examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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