‏In some countries, boys and girls are educated in different school rather than in the same school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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‎‏In recent times education has been an essential thing in both males and females. It is a highly debatable issue whether
boys
and
girls
are educated in the same
school
, or whether they should be separated. I think that the beneficial impacts of gathering both
boys
and
girls
together overpower the detrimental ones.
This
essay will outline the merits and demerits of educating
girls
and
boys
together. ‎‏On the one hand, one of the main advantages is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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exchanging the experience
between
Change preposition
with
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each other. There are some features that can help
women
to improve their personality.
For example
,
girls
can learn how to deal with different people and how to solve problems. Another advantage to be considered is that when males and females study together,
this
can boost the sense of confidence.
Women
may be encouraged to speak and deal with men without shying.
For instance
, the result conducted at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of
girls
are able to contact better with
boys
better
due to
gathering them in the same
school
.
As a result
,
this
promotes
the
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apply
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empathy and a safe environment in
school
. ‎‏
On the other hand
, there are frequent disadvantages of studying
boys
and
girls
together. Some
women
can face problems in the classroom. They may suffer from violence or discrimination. A good example here is my friend Fatma who studies in a private
school
and she complains that
boys
are very noisy and harm
women
in her class.
Furthermore
, males are empowered to control the class.
This
can influence badly on females. To illustrate, some
boys
don't allow
girls
to participate in some games or activities.
Thus
,
women
could decrease their academic level. ‎‏In conclusion,
girls
may face many challenges in studying together. I agree that the advantages of
boys
and
girls
being educated in different schools rather than in the same
school
are more than the disadvantages.
Therefore
, the government should offer more facilities to teach them together and encourage them to deal with various people.
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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph centers around a clear topic sentence that is expanded throughout the paragraph. This will help to ensure that each paragraph has a strong focal point and develops the argument logically.
coherence cohesion
While the conclusion summarizes your argument, it introduces a new perspective that wasn't fully developed in the body. Ensure that all key points are covered in the main body sections.
task achievement
Be careful with generalizations; ensure that your examples and points are clear and relatable to the prompt. Broaden the range of examples if possible.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by indicating your stance and outlining what the essay will cover.
task achievement
There is a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, which supports a comprehensive response to the prompt.
task achievement
You provide a great use of examples, such as the Glasgow University study, which strengthens your points.
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