IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Recent research has shown that media like the Internet or TV have a greater influence over peoples’ lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence

#research #media #internet #tv #influence #peoples’ #lives #politicians
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, mass
media
Use synonyms
 is reported to become more and more popular.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there is a common belief that it impacts better on people’s lives than politicians.
However
Linking Words
, I am partly against
this
Linking Words
 notion as the government has better influence. On the one hand, the political system has the power to implement policies that directly affect the citizen’s life. To illustrate, good welfare benefits
such
Linking Words
 as unemployment and study pay assist people significantly in addressing financial problems. These people, particularly in developed nations, will reduce the pressure and improve the standard quality of their life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some notorious problems
such
Linking Words
 as crime existing in society nowadays usually are solved by governmental organizations’ powerful compulsory laws.
Thus
Linking Words
, the stability and safety of people’s lives are controlled and maintained severely.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, frequent access to mass
media
Use synonyms
 by young people is the major reason why they are strongly affected by it. Specifically, due to
influences
Correct article usage
the influences
show examples
 of
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 and music industry in which these individuals mostly are interested, they might develop their thoughts or
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 based on that of celebrities.
Hence
Linking Words
, if
media
Use synonyms
 and influencers show toxic online merchandise or comments, the young will be affected adversely.
For instance
Linking Words
, many children and teenagers, who are allowed to use online social platforms early without any control from their parents, tend to be
disupted
Correct your spelling
disrupted
disgusted
 from studying and behave terribly.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can limit these problems by enacting policies
such
Linking Words
 as protecting children
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 mass
media
Use synonyms
. To conclude, the role of political leaders is bigger compared with that of social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 in impacting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public lives.
However
Linking Words
, I believe political figures should limit the influences of
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
 and
Correct your spelling
protect
proctect
Correct your spelling
protect
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 online
media
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by thanhannguyen2209 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: