IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Modern education systems face challenges that negatively impact students

Modern education systems face challenges that negatively impact
students
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. Two significant causes are the overwhelming
number
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 of
subjects
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 and the lack of autonomy in learning, both of which contribute to stress and disengagement. Addressing these issues by focusing on reduced subject pressure and increased student control can lead to better educational outcomes. One major cause of problems in modern learning is the excessive
number
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 of
subjects
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students
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 are required to study. With packed schedules and diverse topics,
students
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 often feel overwhelmed, struggling to balance their workload.
As a result
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,
this
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 can lead to burnout, lower academic performance, and a lack of motivation.
Therefore
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, the heavy curriculum contributes to stress and reduces
students
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' ability to master individual
subjects
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. Another issue is the lack of autonomy and control over what
students
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 learn. When they have little say in their studies, they may feel disconnected from the material, leading to disinterest and reduced engagement.
This
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 approach stifles creativity and prevents
students
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 from exploring their genuine interests,
further
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 dampening their enthusiasm for learning. To tackle these issues, schools should adopt a more focused approach. By reducing the
number
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 of compulsory
subjects
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, they can relieve pressure, allowing
students
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 to concentrate more on core areas.
Additionally
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, incorporating creative outlets and giving
students
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 more control over their education,
such
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 as elective courses, can make learning more engaging. Ultimately, these strategies can create a more balanced and personalized learning environment, improving student well-being and academic success. In summary, the overwhelming
number
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 of
subjects
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 and limited autonomy in school contribute significantly to the problems in modern learning. If schools reduce subject loads and offer more choices, they can help
students
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 find balance and foster a more positive educational experience.

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task achievement
Make sure to include more specific examples to support your points, such as statistics or personal stories.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use transition words to improve the flow between ideas, like 'firstly', 'moreover', or 'for example'.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and the main points of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces the arguments made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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