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Band 4.5

In many country average weight of the people increasing and fitness levels are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of problems and what measures could be taken solve them?

#country #weight #people #fitness #levels #measures
The physical fitness of the persons is getting weaker but their bodies are gaining extra fat in most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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nations.
This
 problem is led by several factors and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of steps
are
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is
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 needed to
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 out of
this
. Both Views will be discussed in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, people are spending longer time watching smartphones and playing online games
instead
 of going outside and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 part in actual sports
such
 as football and hockey, which require physical
strengths
Fix the agreement mistake
strength
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.
Secondly
,
the
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apply
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another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 main reason behind
this
 is food. The preferences are given to fast food as compared to healthy diets. These things
leads
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lead
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 to laziness and
persons
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people
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 do not feel active after having these kinds of meals.
Finally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life has become so busy in
this
 era and nobody has free time to look after the wellness of the health and body. The problem is very serious when it is looked
from
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at from
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health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
 angle and serious practices are required to sort
this
 out. There are various physical activities and exercises can be adopted with the advice of doctors to avoid these issues.
In addition
 to that, everyone needs to be aware
from
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of
show examples
 the importance of their fitness and diseases which can occur due to heavy body weight. After realising that, people can take immediate steps to prevent these problems.
Also
, It really matters what you eat, the proper and healthy meals throughout the day can provide many benefits to dealing in advance. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health is an important part to live a happy life.
The various
Correct article usage
Various
show examples
 causes and measures have been discussed to overcome these issues.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • processed foods
  • high-calorie
  • fast food chains
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • balanced diet
  • economic factors
  • urbanization
  • green spaces
  • recreational areas
  • government initiatives
  • educational programs
  • accessibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • subsidizing
  • nutritious foods
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