IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #risks #lives #risk
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There is a general thought about taking
Use synonyms
Add an article
the risk
a risk
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risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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 that affects person’s special and professional parts of their
lives
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. About
this
Linking Words
 important
idea
Add a comma
,idea
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 I assume that taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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creating
Wrong verb form
creates
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 more beneficial and advantageous situations in
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
 include with both sides.
First
Linking Words
, when a human being came across
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a situation that needs to make a decision,
brain
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the brain
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 always
calculate
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calculates
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 all the possibilities for any case. Generally,
person
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a person
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choose
Change the verb form
chooses
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 one of the easiest solutions to apply in circumstances.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand choosing the
second
Linking Words
 option will be riskier for approaching the feeling of being in
safe
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the safe
a safe
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 zone.
For
Linking Words
example
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, my biology teacher,
Ms.
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Ms
show examples
 Sandra
working
Wrong verb form
works
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 in a government school, and she has
average
Correct article usage
an average
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 salary with a stable
life
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 standard. If
Ms.
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Ms
show examples
 Sandra quits her job for applying
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 master where she desired, she would be
scientist
Add an article
a scientist
the scientist
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in
Change preposition
at
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 her dream university or research lab with a better budget to spend what she wants.
This
Linking Words
example
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 examines the importance of taking
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Add an article
a risk
the risk
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risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
professional
life
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if we need to mention taking
Use synonyms
Add an article
a risk
the risk
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risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
our personal
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lives
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, we can’t ignore the feelings coming from
Correct pronoun usage
our heart
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heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
show examples
. There is research
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 California Technical University and the results show that “When
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 a decision about family and friends,
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 different hormones”. It’s harder to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
a risk
the risk
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in personal
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 to professional
lives
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
,
output
Add an article
the output
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 of
this
Linking Words
risk
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 is more valuable. If I need to give an
example
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 for making
clear
Add an article
a clear
the clear
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 picture in the minds;
last
Linking Words
 year,
friend
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a friend
show examples
 of mine had a problem with her husband but she can’t divorce because of the child.
Then
Linking Words
 she took the
risk
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 for her own
life
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 to live it free and regardless.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year, she has a boyfriend, and she is extremely satisfied with her decision. Taking
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risk
Add an article
a risk
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
special
Add an article
a special
the special
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 situation like
this
Linking Words
example
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reflect
Change the verb form
reflects
show examples
 the importance of it. To summarize the idea
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 I supported, taking
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 big
risk
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 always brings
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the present
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. The brave
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 who take the risks will realize the effects on their own
lives
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pelvan.didem on

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