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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a trend of increasing amount of noise in our life. Why could this be a problem? What can be done to reduce it? Give your own opinion support it with examples.

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Nowadays, many trends are surging up, one of
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the increasing percentage of
noise
Use synonyms
 we hear in our life as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
noise
Use synonyms
 pollution.
This
Linking Words
 trend can be a problem for our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 or life and needs to be stopped.
Noise
Use synonyms
 is part of our life,
this
Linking Words
 is why human is made with
auditory
Use synonyms
 organ like ear so we can
hearing
Change the verb form
hear
be hearing
show examples
 anything around us. Even communicating with other humans could be considered as
noise
Use synonyms
, but there is a blatant boundary on it, which could be harmful or at
okay
Add an article
an okay
the okay
show examples
 level for us.
Thus
Linking Words
, from these, problems are
starting
Add the particle
tostarting
show examples
 arise and becoming
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
noise
Use synonyms
 pollution. It can be a
Correct your spelling
problem
proble
Correct your spelling
problem
 because
this
Linking Words
 could disturb people's peace or mental health, especially if they heard it constantly
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 like people who work in
factory
Add an article
a factory
the factory
show examples
 without
Correct article usage
an earplug
show examples
earplug
Fix the agreement mistake
earplugs
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with the development of audio technology today, we can bring
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
 anywhere by using
Use synonyms
earphone
Fix the agreement mistake
earphones
show examples
 and
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. But the problem comes if the
earphone
Use synonyms
 user put the sound level
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 or
using
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
 it religiously every day. There is
proven
Correct article usage
a proven
show examples
 example of
this
Linking Words
 case
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when people
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
Use synonyms
earphone
Fix the agreement mistake
earphones
show examples
 too much until it becomes unhealthy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because at that point it is
also
Linking Words
 damaging their eardrum and making them almost into
deaf
Add an article
the deaf
show examples
 state.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, we could reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem by following the hearing maximum sound
level's
Change noun form
level
show examples
 standard and not using
Use synonyms
earphone
Fix the agreement mistake
earphones
show examples
 every day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we have to give our
auditory
Use synonyms
organ
Fix the agreement mistake
organs
show examples
 a resting time so they can function normally and in a healthier state.
Also
Linking Words
, try to not
probing
Wrong verb form
probe
show examples
 into our ear canal and
pushing
Wrong verb form
push
show examples
 the wax deeper, it will close the
ear drum
Correct your spelling
eardrum
show examples
 and make hearing harder to do. To sum up,
noise
Use synonyms
 pollution is proven to be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
auditory
Use synonyms
 and mental health. So, to reduce the effects we had to
lessening
Change the verb
lessen
show examples
 the usage of
auditory
Use synonyms
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 like
Use synonyms
earphone
Fix the agreement mistake
earphones
show examples
 and not
cleaning
Wrong verb form
clean
show examples
 it haphazardly.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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