IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely instead of only in public areas. What is your opinion?

#people #areas
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In the contemporary era, there is a heated debate over the issue that some people believe that the consumption of cigarettes should not be allowed in any living area. The following paragraph would highlight my perspective which leads to a logical conclusion.
First
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 of all, there are myriad reasons which will
further
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 elaborate
this
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 argument but the preponderant stems from the fact that smoking is injurious to
health
Use synonyms
 and damages our important body parts.
For example
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, if a person continuously smokes, he can suffer from lung cancer. Another pivotal aspect is that smoking in public can damage our atmosphere and can cause pollution in our communities.
For instance
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, if a man on a bus starts smoking, the smoke of cigarettes can spread on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 bus and pollute the air which causes harmful effects on the
health
Use synonyms
 of others. Moving
further
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, if smokers claim that they are not doing any criminal action,
then
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 why do they face any kind of ban on their habit
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 But the fact is not ignored that they are causing negative impacts on the mind of our youth. Studies show that smoking in public appeals to many youngsters to adopt
this
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 kind of activity which can destroy their
health
Use synonyms
 and their whole life
also
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.
For example
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, if a young boy adopts a habit of smoking to follow the trend, but after some time, he becomes addicted to smoking which is very harmful to his body as well as his mind. To recapitulate, due to the aforementioned9 reasons, we may safely conclude that smoking should not allow in any part of the world because it could not only destroy our
health
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but our youth
also
Linking Words
.
Submitted by howdareuhh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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