IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think new homes need to be built with private outdoor space such as a garden, yard, or balcony. Do you think this is more advantageous or more disadvantageous?

#people #homes #space #garden #yard #balcony
These days one of the widely discussed issues is several individuals strongly believe that new houses oblidge be constructed with personal outdoor place like backyards, maisonette or
balcony
, whether having a garden, yard and
balcony
 is a pros and cons sides among the humans. From my point of view, having these are advantages development. In
this
 essay, I will examine both advantages and disadvantages issue. There are a number of significant benefits of the presence of private areas or yards gives
people
 a number of opportunities because if humans have
such
 opportunities they can grow flowers or like
this
.
In addition
 to that, it is a really cool way to consume outdoors.
People
 are able to consume freely in gardens or balconies and eating in the fresh air gives great benefits for improving
people
's health and mood. Take as an example:
according to
 psychologists point that, eating outdoors keeps
people
 energized and in a good mood throughout the day, and
also
, a lot of homes in European countries have private spaces balconies and patios,
such
 as, Italy and Spain countries. Another major disadvantage is that, having
balcony
 is not safe because, there, young children and old
people
 or weak individuals are more likely to fall from above.
For example
:
according to
 the statistics,
due to
 the presence of balconies in high-rise buildings around the world, many accidents occur there.
In addition
 to that,
this
 leads to a reduction in housing sites because many homeless humans would be housed when the sites were replaced by houses. In final analysis, despite the fact that having
balcony
 or yard is more advantages because it gives individuals a lot of changes.
Submitted by Premium Version on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of new homes with private outdoor spaces, but the response could be more developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a brief conclusion. However, the essay lacks depth in discussing the main points and supporting examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: