IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You are moving to a new city with your family. Write a letter to a real estate agent to enquire about accommodations. Include in your letter Why you are moving Where you want to live The type of accommodation required

Dear Mr. Garg, I am writing
this
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 letter to seek some information about rental accommodation properties in Ahmedabad. I plan to move there with my family by the end of
this
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 month. Currently, I am living in Surat. Recently, I got promoted to higher-level position in my company. As a plan of expansion, the organization has decided to start a new office there and I will be responsible for looking after that. So I have to shift there.
Furthermore
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, our new planned office is located by S.G.Highway. As I am not very familiar with the city, I would like to rent property in the nearby area. Someone has suggested Satellite and Thaltej, I want to consider that too. I am moving there with my husband and two kids, the house needs to have at least 2 bedrooms.
Additionally
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, it needs to be semi-furnished especially in the kitchen with a gas connection. My kids are still young so it needs to be safer for them. It would be great for me if you could send me some details prior to our moving with concerns terms. I am looking forward to your positive reply. Yours faithfully, Jaimini Patel

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coherence cohesion
The letter is well-structured overall but could benefit from clearer paragraphing to enhance readability. Consider using a new paragraph for each distinct idea or request.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent formal tone throughout the letter. Refrain from using informal language or contractions to ensure a professional appeal.
task achievement
Ensure that the letter comprehensively covers all aspects of the prompt. Expand on the details regarding the type of accommodation required and provide clearer specifications if possible.
task achievement
You may include additional preferences such as proximity to schools or public transportation to make your requirements more specific, which will help the real estate agent give you more targeted options.
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