Improving living conditions within society is a far superior approach to crime prevention than threat of punishment. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

Creating better conditions for life is a more effective way for reducing crime than big sanctions for
people
. In
this
essay, I am going to discuss
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both options and explain why I agree with the
first
. In favour agreement, that
people
, who have enough money for being happy, are calmer and glader
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
the poor and those who are under
strees
Correct your spelling
stress
very often I can say that
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
level of life want to develop and create something useful,
hence
this
they do not need to risk their money.
Moreover
, they
appriciate
Correct your spelling
appreciate
their own freedom and respect
Add an article
the opinion
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
of others. More likely it is connected with
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education and upbringing,
for instance
, Island has
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
and
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
university
Change preposition
of university
show examples
where students feel free and confident and
this
country leads as the most safety place from over the world.
On the other hand
,
people
must realize that every criminal activity will be punished,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
should ensure
lessening
Correct article usage
the lessening
show examples
of crime. Apparently, it is not so productive, because they have some problems and do not have tackling of them.
In addition
, under fear citizens can think that some scam or another crime can be the single option for solving their own problems.
For example
, powers in Russia create a lot of punishments for
people
, who decided to lie to the government about their
ligal
Correct your spelling
legal
salary, because
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
people
need to save
such
quantity of cash as could help them to buy food.
However
, many needed to pay
Add an article
a fee
the fee
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
, because tax
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
found almost everybody. To sum up,contrary to threating of punishments for society righter approach is improving
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
conditions.
Hence
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, the better
people
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
, the
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
there are crimes.
Submitted by alex.i.leontev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: