IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, many individuals believe that the working week ought to be shorter and
employees
Use synonyms
 should have a longer
weekend
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it can improve workers’ health and increase their productivity at
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main reasons and support them with examples.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
employees
Use synonyms
 ought to have a longer
weekend
Use synonyms
 to improve their health by having enough time to rest and recover before returning to
work
Use synonyms
. Compared to their current working hours, reducing the working week by one day will not have a negative impact. To illustrate, in 2017, Oberon Company conducted a study on a small number of workers. They had about three
weekend
Use synonyms
 days, and the
employees
Use synonyms
 experienced a positive impact, as the study showed that a considerable number of them improved their performance at
work
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
employees
Use synonyms
 had a better personal life.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
Linking Words
, a shorter working week can increase
employees
Use synonyms
' productivity. When workers have enough time to rest, they will be able to return to
work
Use synonyms
 with more energy and concentration.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will complete their tasks more efficiently.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study conducted by Stanford University revealed that
employees
Use synonyms
 who took some days off performed their jobs about 20% better than others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they will be able to solve problems in their companies in more effective ways.
Conclusion
In conclusion, having one extra day for the
weekend
Use synonyms
 will have a positive impact on all
employees
Use synonyms
' health and their ability to perform their jobs effectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you give two main reasons: health and better work. To make the answer stronger, explain more about why one less work day would not hurt the company.
task response
The examples fit your main ideas, but they are not fully clear. Give more detail about what the company did, how long it lasted, and what changed for the workers.
task response
Be careful with broad claims such as “will not have a negative impact”. Some jobs may need more staff or new work plans. You can briefly show this point and explain why the good sides are still greater.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two body parts, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body part state the main point even more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as “To begin with”, “Additionally”, and “For instance”, help the reader. Use a wider but simple set of links, such as “because”, “therefore”, and “this means”, so the ideas flow more naturally.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need a clearer link. For example, after the study about three days off, explain in one sentence how better rest led to better work.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view throughout the essay.
task response
Your two reasons are relevant and easy to understand: more rest can help health, and more rest can help people work better.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly restates your main view and brings the two key ideas together.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: