IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many Teenagers now have their own smartphone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion

#teenagers #smartphone
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The Advanced
technology
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 possessed by most
people
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 ages. Several young
people
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 nowadays have their own
smartphones
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.
This
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 essay will show one benefit and one drawback of
this
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issue
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 in terms of
future
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 and
waste
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 of
time
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.  On the one hand of
this
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issue
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, the
future
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 could force us to be updated with advanced
technology
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.
For example
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, many teenagers
people
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 need advanced
technology
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 in
order
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 for the educational aspect to be enhanced.
This
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mean
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means
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, in
this
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 era we could not live without
technology
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 in
order
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 to integrate our
life
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 in many aspects.
As a result
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 of
this
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, nowadays most of the fields in our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 need to
control
Wrong verb form
be controlled
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 by
technologies gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
technology gadgets
show examples
. On another hand of
this
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issue
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 ,it is a
waste
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 of
time
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 that could
perform
Wrong verb form
be performed
show examples
 by
smartphones
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 ,especially for young
people
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due to
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 their sensitive age being affected by many things.
For instance
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, when
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 to study for an exam, most young
people
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 spend most of their
time
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 on
smartphones
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. To clear
this
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, advanced
technology
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 has benefits
as well as
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 drawbacks so we have to take care of our children in
order
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 for their
future
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.
Therefore
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, parents should
provide monitoring
Wrong verb form
monitor
show examples
 their children and manage the
time
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, which is spent on
smartphones
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 to control their
time
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 and benefit from it. To summarise, it might not
possible
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be possible
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 to cover all aspects of
this
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issue
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.
However
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,
this
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 essay focuses only on the
future
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 and the
waste
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 of
time
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. The most important points that have been mentioned are our
life
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 needs to finish up many transactions by
technology
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 and at the same
time
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, parents should monitor their children in
order
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 to prevent
waste
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 of
time
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.
Finally
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, it can be said that we should demonstrate and know very well the benefits and at the same
time
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 drawbacks in
order
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 to service our
life
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 swiftly.
Submitted by ghidaali1996 on

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Task Response
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of teenagers owning smartphones. However, the points made are not fully developed and lack specific examples to support the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure and organization of the essay are unclear. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. The body paragraphs lack coherence and cohesion, leading to a disjointed flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and fails to use precise and varied expressions. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasing throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a basic control of a limited range of sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical errors, including tense inconsistencies, awkward word order, and incorrect word choices.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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