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Band 4

Many Teenagers now have their own smartphone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion

#teenagers #smartphone
The Advanced
technology
 possessed by most
people
 ages. Several young
people
 nowadays have their own
smartphones
.
This
 essay will show one benefit and one drawback of
this
issue
 in terms of
future
 and
waste
 of
time
.  On the one hand of
this
issue
, the
future
 could force us to be updated with advanced
technology
.
For example
, many teenagers
people
 need advanced
technology
 in
order
 for the educational aspect to be enhanced.
This
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
, in
this
 era we could not live without
technology
 in
order
 to integrate our
life
 in many aspects.
As a result
 of
this
, nowadays most of the fields in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 need to
control
Wrong verb form
be controlled
show examples
 by
technologies gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
technology gadgets
show examples
. On another hand of
this
issue
 ,it is a
waste
 of
time
 that could
perform
Wrong verb form
be performed
show examples
 by
smartphones
 ,especially for young
people
due to
 their sensitive age being affected by many things.
For instance
, when
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 to study for an exam, most young
people
 spend most of their
time
 on
smartphones
. To clear
this
, advanced
technology
 has benefits
as well as
 drawbacks so we have to take care of our children in
order
 for their
future
.
Therefore
, parents should
provide monitoring
Wrong verb form
monitor
show examples
 their children and manage the
time
, which is spent on
smartphones
 to control their
time
 and benefit from it. To summarise, it might not
possible
Add a missing verb
be possible
show examples
 to cover all aspects of
this
issue
.
However
,
this
 essay focuses only on the
future
 and the
waste
 of
time
. The most important points that have been mentioned are our
life
 needs to finish up many transactions by
technology
 and at the same
time
, parents should monitor their children in
order
 to prevent
waste
 of
time
.
Finally
, it can be said that we should demonstrate and know very well the benefits and at the same
time
 drawbacks in
order
 to service our
life
 swiftly.
Submitted by ghidaali1996 on

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Task Response
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of teenagers owning smartphones. However, the points made are not fully developed and lack specific examples to support the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure and organization of the essay are unclear. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. The body paragraphs lack coherence and cohesion, leading to a disjointed flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and fails to use precise and varied expressions. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasing throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a basic control of a limited range of sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical errors, including tense inconsistencies, awkward word order, and incorrect word choices.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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