Some People think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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A group of folks are of the opinion that
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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number one priority is to guarantee
utmost
Correct article usage
the utmost

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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safety of its citizens against lawlessness while some other schools of thought think that the people should be responsible for their personal protection. I,
however
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, stand on the ground that collective effort from
the
Remove the article
apply

It is unlikely that your sentence needs the article the before both. Consider deleting the article.

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both sides is the only way to combat
crime
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. On the one hand,
crime
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has become the order of the day in most cities around the world. Some group of
individuals
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with political influence in the ruling class has decorated
crime
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to be a decent career.
Therefore
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, the government should enact capital penalties on criminal acts perpetrated by
individuals
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and corporate entities either directly or indirectly.
For example
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, countries in the eastern part of Asia have harsh punishment for any level of
crime
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with
direct
Correct article usage
a direct

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impact on people or directly violating the law of the land.
As a result
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, the gravity of the punishment metered on criminals discourages folks from engaging in
such
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ungodly acts.
On the other hand
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, citizens cannot fold their arms and expect the
legislative
Replace the word
legislation

The word legislative doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to ensure absolute security of lives and properties because the executive cannot deploy policemen to guard every house, store, office, etc. More so, the people should play their role in securing themselves for their best interest.
For example
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, there are self-protective tools
such
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as pepper spray, and guns for
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence

The spelling of self-defense is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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.
Also
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,
individuals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can install surveillance cameras to monitor unusual activities, as well as private security guards can be employed to watch over private properties,
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, making it potentially difficult for
crime
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to thrive. In conclusion, while some scholars believe that the government should solely take the whole burden of preventing lawlessness, some argued that the common man should be proactive in ensuring personal security.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
individuals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and the government should collectively engage in a systematic manner to reduce the rate of
crime
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
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