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Band 5.5

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of peoples lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#governments #world #amounts #money #art #quality #peoples #lives
The phenomenon of
national
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
spending too much
money
 on
art
 has aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as
people
's views on the issue in question may be, I totally agree with the idea that
governments
 should change the trend of spending strategy. Of all the reasons why I support rearranging the expenditure of the country, probably the most significant one is that there are some things else are more essentially important than
art
 for the
people
such
 as health, transportation, housing, etc... In the modern world,
people
 are more likely cannot live without those fields, so the improvement of relative service is necessary.
For instance
, investing in equipment for medical purposes would decrease the recovery time of patients from sickness in turn making
people
can
Verb problem
go
show examples
 back to their position at work quickly and reducing the chances are being fired.
Therefore
,
governments
 should put more resources into other areas which are crucial to
people
. Another reason that should not be overlooked is that the expenditure of the nation should
be benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 most
people
 because the
money
 is a result of their hard work.
Governments
 spend huge of
money
 on
art
 which
likes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
only benefits a small group of
people
 since not everyone is an
art
 lover.
For example
,
art
 usually is a luxury to normal
people
 as they are
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
hardly paying their bills to live.
As a result
,
governments
 should
take
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 more attention to reducing living costs. Under
this
 line of thinking,
although
art
 may improve the quality of some
people
's lives, I absolutely agree that
governments
 should put their
money
 into other aspects.
This
 is the
better
Correct word choice
best
show examples
 way for a country's development in the future.
Submitted by frankyimp on

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task response
Support your arguments with specific examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion for a more thorough presentation of your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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