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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many children have become habitual about excessively using mobile applications day and night. why do you think is so ? What parents can do to avoid this situation declining further.

#children #applications #night #parents #situation
Children
 are using their phones too much, I agree with it, and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I'
ll
 tell what I think about it, and I'
ll
 try to give some
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
.
Firstly
 I want to tell
that
Correct pronoun usage
you that
show examples
, nowadays social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 are very popular, like Instagram,Youtube,Facebook and others, so I think that
children
 don'
t
 speak
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 too much.
Secondly
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,Secondly
show examples
 I think that
parents
 are not as strict as their
parents
, so their
children
 are spoiled, and they don'
t
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 their
parents
,
Thirdly
 I think one of the main reasons is that
children
 think that
stuck
Add a missing verb
being stuck
show examples
 on the
phone
 until the morning is in fashion and It's really horrible. And I want to give
Correct your spelling
advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 to
parents
, turn off
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 at night and take your child's
phone
 with you, because nowadays there're
much
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many
show examples
games
 that doesn'
t
 demand any internet, so they can play them. Or if you radically don'
t
 want
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your child
play
Fix the infinitive
to play
show examples
 any
games
, I prefer you to delete all their
games
 and ask them to delete any passwords to open their
phone
. Most kids try to lie
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
parents
, and it's really bad
,
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apply
show examples
 because you don'
t
 know is your child telling true for you or again lying, after some
lies
Add a comma
,lies
show examples
 you'
ll
 not trust your
kid
 and there'
ll
by
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 conflicts
with
Change preposition
between
show examples
 your
kid
 and you. So in a nutshell, trust your kids because it's really important for your relations. Try to turn off
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 at night, because your
kid
 can stick his
phone
 until morning. And at the end delete all
games
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
phone
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
kid
Submitted by yokubjon_nurullaev on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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