IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor in development of a country. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #system #factor #development #country
Although
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system is a great part of refining a society, it is not
most
Add an article
the most
show examples
 important part. there are many factors that
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 on developing a nation
such
 as sympathy, responsibility and enthusiasm. You feel
un useful
Correct your spelling
unuseful
show examples
 and depressed without enthusiasm, no matter how educated you are. a depressed society could not cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
development. life should be included
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
positivity and passion. passion comes after having choices in life, if you do not have any
chooses
Replace the word
choices
show examples
 but the way you are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
unhealthy
Correct article usage
the unhealthy
show examples
 life that we have in Iran, you could not be passionate about your being. People should be responsible for each other. individualism brings deterioration, as long as people just think about themselves, a society could not improve.
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 in
Iran
Add a comma
,Iran
show examples
 we have many educated people without feeling responsible and it causes many financial disorders and serious problems.
Obviously
Add a comma
,Obviously
show examples
 without
education
Add a comma
,education
show examples
 we could not have a
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 country. Knowledge and development are inseparable. but we should learn some way to use the knowledge and methods we should learn
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 sympathy and enthusiasm.
Submitted by nataly280480 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: