IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose?

#company #money #support #arts #environment
A company is going to present with
som
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
money
 either to help the arts or to
protict
Correct your spelling
protect
protest
 the situation. In my opinion, it is great for
companies
 to invest in
art
 and environmental protection. Because these things are very useful to us. I will put my thoughts into words in the forthcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, some
people
pointout
Correct your spelling
point out
 that the firm should give
money
 as
Add an article
a donation
show examples
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
show examples
 in order to develop
artworks
Fix the agreement mistake
artwork
show examples
. Because
progresting
Correct your spelling
progressing
art
 is the most cardinal aspect for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. Especially our national music instruments or music express our culture and
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
. They have been part of our history for a long time.
For example
 dutar,
gijjak
Correct your spelling
Najjar
, chaykoviz or horn else applicable to
Add an article
the song
a song
show examples
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
for instance
 makam
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contains different marvellous sounds as well as folk music. So they should be come on
Add an article
the world
show examples
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 by various
assotsattion
Correct your spelling
association
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 various nations of the world ought to enjoy them.
On the other hand
, I agree with both of these opinions.
Art
also
 needs a lot of
money
. If
companies
 put
money
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
art
,
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
art
 in our country will be very famous. But in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
companies
 should
bet
money
 to keep the environment clean. Because the cleaner the environment, the more useful it is for us. Various harmful
odors
Change the spelling
odours
show examples
 do not spread.
Companies
 should
bet
 more
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 environmental protection. It is necessary to build different types of garbage dumps and keep the land clean, and these places should be moved away from
people
's places of residence.
Then
people
's lives and their lives will be free from danger. Must do these things. For
this
 different
companies
 have to
bet
 more
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these works. In conclusion,
companies
 should
bet
 more
money
 on
art
 to protect the environment and know that these things are very useful for
people
.
Submitted by ilkhomjon.uralov97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: