IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Do you agree that obesity is increasing in some rich countries?

#obesity #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many people are focusing on their health problems,
however
Linking Words
, obesity has increased in some wealthy countries, not only affecting adults but
also
Linking Words
 affecting children. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will convince you why obesity has become more serious in rich countries. The primary reason for rich nations becoming more overweight is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 simple fact that unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 is cheap and widely available. Increasingly, people have very busy lifestyles and trying to make time for preparing a meal is not a top priority for many, so a more convenient and fast option is often going to win. Because it needs to be fast, the health factor is a secondary concern and preparing
food
Use synonyms
 quickly can often be unhealthy.
For instance
Linking Words
, hamburgers and fried
food
Use synonyms
 can be made very quickly, though it contains a lot of sugar, salt and fat. Because of
this
Linking Words
, the
food
Use synonyms
 is very addictive and cravable, which leaves people wanting more of it, for which more is very easy to get with fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants being absolutely everywhere.
Secondly
Linking Words
, advertisements for fast
food
Use synonyms
 are everywhere and are becoming more powerful. Companies are getting better at marketing products and targeting you through social media and other means, like billboards and even more subliminal methods.
Also
Linking Words
, even when a consumer wishes to make a healthier choice, many of the advertisements that market a product as being a "health
food
Use synonyms
" are not nearly as healthy as they claim to be. In conclusion, I do agree that obesity is increasing in rich countries, through high availability, affordability, powerful advertisements and social media unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy lifestyles are difficult to avoid.
Submitted by jessiehuang94130 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: