Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activitiy of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is said that people emphasise too much culture for the young,
while
others hold the opposite view that leisure enterprise for the young people should be spent on indeed.
This
author agrees with the perspective of emphasizing more action for young people in order to reduce the stress gained from studying, rather than focusing more on improving education for a better result in studying.
Firstly
, spending more on free date movement seriously helps admission relax.
This
is true, as recruitment nowadays spends too much effort on studying, forgetting the need for health care both physically and mentally. Surveys indicate that the number of teenagers who recently committed suicide has risen mainly
due to
pressure from studying.
Thus
, life for admission to unwind, is crucial, especially these days, and should be spent on more. The opposite view is that money should be spent on scholarships to receive better results. It is
also
true
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because schools’ environment, how teachers educate, and the amount of month learning are factors that affect students’ results a lot.
However
, the amount of knowledge is still a really vast amount, and studying ceaselessly with
such
knowledge is stressful,
instead
, leaving more generations for relaxation to balance between study and play is vital,
Therefore
, spending on leisure exercise is more necessary than emphasising learning. Taking all points into account, improving education has the advantage of getting great results,
whereas
, it brings stress, depression and pressure to students.
Hence
, giving emphasis on free time activities has the benefit of reducing pressure significantly.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • personal development
  • societal progress
  • job opportunities
  • quality of life
  • relaxation
  • creativity
  • social activities
  • mental and physical health
  • hobbies
  • leisure activities
  • allocation of government funds
  • disproportionate emphasis
  • extracurricular activities
  • holistic development
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • social responsibility
  • subsidies
  • youth centers
  • sports clubs
  • art programs
  • balanced approach
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