These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting events and festivals. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #money #tickets #events #festivals #development

In recent years, there is more and more variety of

events

and festivals which are created by organisations and the Government. The purposes are making a profit for them and pushing economic growth. I think it is a great idea for making economic development and

also

for solving the problems of stress due to the pressure of work and deadlines.

Firstly

, creating a lot of sporting

events

and festivals help many businesses can make more income.

For instance

, Qatar runs the

World

cup, the biggest soccer event in the

world

, Why did the Qatar Government invest more than three billion dollars in just one month in the event

Change the punctuation

show examples

The answer is they want to advertise their country to the

world

. The benefits bring back for them are the tourism industry will rise, the food industry are more well known to

people

around the

world

and of ,course there are more investors coming to

this

country after the event end.

Therefore

this

makes it clear that the benefits of

events

or festivals will bring enormous economic development.

Secondly

people

who are stressed at work and

life

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

can blow off some steam by joining in soccer

events

with their family or friends.

That is

one of the good ways to relax or build relationships with others. Dad can take their children to go and enjoy the atmosphere of crowded

people

in the stadium. It is a good experience for the family. Or even couples can enjoy their music festival or food festival on the beaches without worrying about their busy

life

. It obviously makes their

life

better than just working. To achieve personal happiness, we need to balance work and entertainment in our

life

. In conclusion, once again I support

people

spending their money to enjoy their

life

. We make money to expense that so

this

cycle will make economic growth and

people

can balance their

life

Submitted by huatranphuc on Mon Dec 12 2022

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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