These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting events and festivals. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #money #tickets #events #festivals #development

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In recent years, there is more and more variety of

events

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and festivals which are created by organisations and the Government. The purposes are making a profit for them and pushing economic growth. I think it is a great idea for making economic development and

also

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for solving the problems of stress due to the pressure of work and deadlines.

Firstly

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, creating a lot of sporting

events

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and festivals help many businesses can make more income.

For instance

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, Qatar runs the

World

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cup, the biggest soccer event in the

world

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, Why did the Qatar Government invest more than three billion dollars in just one month in the event

Change the punctuation

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The answer is they want to advertise their country to the

world

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. The benefits bring back for them are the tourism industry will rise, the food industry are more well known to

people

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around the

world

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and of ,course there are more investors coming to

this

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country after the event end.

Therefore

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this

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makes it clear that the benefits of

events

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or festivals will bring enormous economic development.

Secondly

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people

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who are stressed at work and

life

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Remove the comma

apply

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can blow off some steam by joining in soccer

events

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with their family or friends.

That is

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one of the good ways to relax or build relationships with others. Dad can take their children to go and enjoy the atmosphere of crowded

people

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in the stadium. It is a good experience for the family. Or even couples can enjoy their music festival or food festival on the beaches without worrying about their busy

life

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. It obviously makes their

life

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better than just working. To achieve personal happiness, we need to balance work and entertainment in our

life

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. In conclusion, once again I support

people

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spending their money to enjoy their

life

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. We make money to expense that so

this

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cycle will make economic growth and

people

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can balance their

life

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Submitted by huatranphuc on Mon Dec 12 2022

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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