IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The unlimited use of cars may cause problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use cars? Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In the contemporary world, the excessive use of
cars
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 might cause severe issues
such
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 as air pollution and traffic jams. To tackle these problems, the government should deter people from using personal
cars
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 by providing convenient public transport and promoting zero carbon footprint vehicles. To start with, it is evident that today the majority of people often opt for driving their own
cars
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due to
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 their convenience of travel which significantly contaminates air by emitting harmful gases into the atmosphere
thus
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 deteriorating citizens' health and contributing to climate change.
As a result
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, so many residents are breathing
this
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 dusty air which can lead to serious health problems
such
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 as skin problems, lung degradation and so on.
In addition
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, a lot of
cars
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 on the road create heavy traffic jams not especially during rush hours and so that it can be a reason for various road accidents.
Therefore
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, what makes our daily lives difficult is the excessive use of private vehicles. In terms of possible solutions, it is urgent to dishearten individuals from using their own
cars
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 by providing cheap fares for public transport
thus
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 enabling people to change their typical mode of transportation.
Likewise
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, the government ought to incentivize citizens to choose more eco-friendly options like electric
cars
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instead
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 of fuel
cars
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.
For example
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, in Europe, in
such
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country
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countries
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like
Change preposition
as
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 Germany, their residents are likely to opt for eco-friendly options because their authorities
has
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have
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 ensured all necessary measures. If human beings and the government put all their effort into addressing
this
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 serious problem , the harmful consequences of using
cars
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 will be entirely eradicated.
To sum up
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,
it is clear that
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 excessive utilisation of
cars
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 has become an enormous danger hurting the ecosystem.
Nevertheless
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, the issue can be managed through the proper steps: promoting electric
cars
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 and eco-friendly options, and making public transport more convenient.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples from your own experience to further enhance your argument and illustrate the points you make.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all parts of your argument are clearly linked and smoothly transitioned to improve the coherence. Consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriately summarize the main points, effectively framing the discussion within the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying problems associated with excessive car use and suggesting potential solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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