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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many students choose to take a year off before going to university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, and give your own opinion about whether it is a good idea.

#students #year #university #gap #idea
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students
Use synonyms
 have a gap
year
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 between high school and
university
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. Some
people
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 think that there are some drawbacks to
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 a
year
Use synonyms
 off, but in my opinion, young
people
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 can gain more
benefits
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 for their future,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 I definitely agree about
this
Linking Words
 view. Some
people
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 think that there are lots of drawbacks to a have a
year
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 off before going to
university
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.
Firstly
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, the
students
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 taking a
year
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 off
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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need financial support from their family,
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otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
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 they need to work for their living that
year
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.
For example
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, the job they work may not they are really
interested
Replace the word
interesting
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, and it wastes their time.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
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 a busy student might have to take a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 role to make some wages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or ask their family to send them a monthly stipend.
Secondly
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, they have one
year
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 behind
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their classmates,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will lead
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they have no common language with their classmates.
Finally
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, not
every
Correct quantifier usage
all
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parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
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 understand the student’s decision to a
year
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 off which will make them have not a good relationship with their family, especially in a low-income family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think that young
people
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 can get more
benefits
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 from taking a
year
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 off before they choose a field to study at
university
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.
Firstly
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, they can have more time to find the field they
really
Add a missing verb
are really
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interest
Add a missing verb
are interest
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as
Change preposition
in as
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 their subject to study at
university
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.
Secondly
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,
students
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 have more chances to try different kinds of jobs that will help them gain different
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
For example
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, even if
students
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 just work as a sales
assistant
Fix the agreement mistake
assistants
show examples
 in a job, they can learn communication skills to talk with different
people
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 which is a useful skill for their whole life.
Finally
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, young
people
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 can broaden their network
from
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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real society not just from school. In conclusion, there are drawbacks and
benefits
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 taking a gap
year
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, but I think young
people
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 can gain more
benefits
Use synonyms
 from taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off before going to
university
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wongsuun on

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