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Band 7.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives.Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In
this
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 modern era, it is increasingly common that
children
Use synonyms
 to be treated as individuals only to study and play.
However
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, it is asserted by a concourse of people that kids of all age groups should have some other
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 rather than their studies and free
time
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, while some other contradicts
this
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 fact. The focus of the essay is to discuss both these statements and I concur with the former statement that pupils of every class should have more
responsibilities
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 and the reasons shall be stated in the upcoming paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
children
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 who have extra
responsibilities
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 like helping with household work gain in-hand experiences and practices to adjust to their future life. To elaborate, they get a platform to understand the meaning and their abilities while helping others
in
Change preposition
at
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 work.
Furthermore
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, the kids achieve the capacity for problem-solving and managing a situation well.
For instance
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, a child who knows the significance of helping others as he/she does at the home will never refuse to assist his/her friends in need.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are
children
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 who are supposed only to study and enjoy their life.
This
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 helps the offspring to excel in their academics. To clarify, a student who fully concentrates on lessons gets a better result than others.
In addition
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, those
children
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 have the opportunity to improve their talents
such
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 as singing, dancing, painting, or sports. To illustrate, pupils who have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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spare
time
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 can find enough
time
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 to practice and achieve his/her passion.
Conclusion
To sum up, I reiterate that
children
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 of all ages should have extra
responsibilities
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 rather than study and leisure
time
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.
This
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 will aid them to become
responsible
Add an article
a responsible
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in future and help them in taking decisions.
Hence
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, it is hopeful that parents and teachers will help and motivate
children
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 to participate in household work and other jobs in the days to come.

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