IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that people should keep all their earnings and don't have to pay taxes to government. Do you agree or disagree with then statement

Certain individuals argue that
people
Use synonyms
 must be able to keep all their income, without being coerced into paying
tax
Use synonyms
. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because
while
Linking Words
taxes
Use synonyms
 are crucial for governments to run the country and sustain the economy, they should
also
Linking Words
 be reasonably charged to avoid a backlash from the public. Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 view usually question the high
taxes
Use synonyms
 being charged by governments.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is a fair concern, they should
also
Linking Words
 consider sectors
such
Linking Words
 as health, education, and aged care, which rely on income
tax
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 to effectively deliver social services. Scandinavian nations,
for instance
Linking Words
, are popular in the world for providing the best social services to citizens.
This
Linking Words
 is mostly caused by the high
taxes
Use synonyms
 in these countries, which are redirected toward supporting the sick, student and ageing populations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 partly agree with the view that calls for removing
tax
Use synonyms
 altogether.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 sometimes do not benefit from the labour of their work, as most of their income is lost to the government. In some rich countries,
taxes
Use synonyms
 can go as high as 50 per cent of
people
Use synonyms
's salaries;
people
Use synonyms
 are left struggling to pay for bills despite being employed. A balanced approach is required, where the state charges a fair rate of
tax
Use synonyms
 in order to continue running welfare programs without compromising individual livelihoods. In conclusion, I incline to both sides of the argument as
tax
Use synonyms
 is crucial for service provision, but
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 want to enjoy the benefits of their employment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I propose a balanced approach
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in which
taxes
Use synonyms
 are lowered so that individuals can afford a good life
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 states still meet their welfare targets.

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tip
Make your main view clear at the end of the intro and in the last part. Right now you say you agree in part, then you also agree with both sides. Pick one clear line.
coherence
Use simple links to show how ideas go, like first, also, but, and then. This helps flow.
content
Add a real example for each idea and say how tax use helps or hurts. This will help the score for examples.
style
Keep long sentences short. Use small words and easy form so the reader can follow.
content
The idea of a balance between tax and life is clear.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Some good examples are used, like health and education and Scandinavian countries.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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