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Band 7

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#people #employment #ones #create
These days, the old worker who needs occupations has to conflict with the young ones.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on the problems that have resulted from
this
 phenomenon before outlining several viable solutions that should be adopted to tackle them. There are two major problems in finding jobs for the elderly. First and foremost, Age discrimination
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the causes of the struggle between younger and older individuals.
For instance
, the elderly often suffer more disadvantages when seeking the same positions as young candidates, even when they have similar abilities and qualifications.
As a result
, elderly individuals would have
less opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer opportunities
show examples
 for jobs than young ones, which would lead to unemployment and make it difficult for them to meet their fundamental necessities.
Secondly
,
this
 can be detrimental to the older employees’ health,
such
 as depression. In fact, their young colleagues seem to be more creative and competent at using modern technology than they could be. To combat
this
 worrying issue, it is crucial to take the following feasible steps. The first measure is that governing bodies should encourage companies to stop age discrimination and focus more on working skills and experience. The older employees,
as a result
, will have more opportunities to have suitable jobs and earn a living. The second solution is for older workers to embrace change at work with optimism and put effort into improving their abilities through attending training courses.
Consequently
, they could approach modern technology and keep up with youngsters, thereby enhancing their ability to effectively address work-related challenges. In conclusion, there are some serious repercussions attributable to
this
 negative tendency, and it is crucial that the aforementioned measures be implemented to deal with these issues.
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Specific Examples
Although your essay addresses the topic well, incorporating more specific examples to support your arguments would make your points even stronger and more persuasive.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, clearly setting the stage for your discussion and summarizing your main points. Well done on achieving clarity and focus in these critical sections of your essay.
Complete Response
To further enhance task achievement, consider exploring the perspective of the younger workforce to offer a more balanced view and enrich the depth of your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a strong use of coherent and cohesive devices, showcasing your ability to link ideas smoothly. To further improve, periodically review advanced linking phrases to add variety and sophistication to your writing.
Logical Structure
Your logical structure and clear argumentation make your essay easy to follow and comprehend - an excellent demonstration of coherence and cohesion.
Problem Solution Approach
By focusing on working skills and experience as criteria over age, you effectively proposed a pragmatic solution to the issue at hand, illustrating your ability to engage with the topic comprehensively and offer relevant solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
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