IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today many people do not realise how important the natural world is. Why is this? How can people learn more about the importance of the nature world?

#people #realise #world #importance #nature
Nowadays a lot of
people
 do not comprehend the importance of the natural world.
However
, it is a fact that over the years
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technologies developed and
people
 have more abilities to improve our environment but it does not happen. Perhaps, it is connected with other social
problems
 of modern
people
,
that is
 for someone the
problems
 with finances and relationships
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 crucial than global issues of our planet. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain why is
this
 so and how to fix
this
 situation. Actually,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
 suffers from
people
 but a lot of
people
 suffer more from misery and poverty. For
Add a comma
,them
show examples
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
nature
problems
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not the most critical thing in their life. Obviously, the number of poor
people
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 higher than rich and it is the biggest problem
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our planet. The person which wakes up hungry every morning will not think about global
problems
 since he will look for the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
nutrition
Correct article usage
the nutrition
show examples
 problem. Abraham Maslow described
this
 in his theory of
hierarchy
Correct article usage
the hierarchy
show examples
 of needs in the 20 century. The
mine
Correct your spelling
main
show examples
 idea of
this
 theory is that if the person has physiological needs ( food, water, warmth )
then
 he can not achieve another level of thinking. From another hand, in my opinion, not everyone who has
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 income
imagine
Change the verb form
imagines
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problems
. It means that some
people
 do not obtain enough info about
this
 issue.
Then
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should punish or ban the administrators of factories which hide the effects of emissions. Certainly, it would be shown
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 TV and at schools and colleges. I think every kid which would watch the effects of solutions and how it’s
fatally
Change the word
fatal
show examples
 for our
nature
 will change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 point of view. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
 issues
connects
Change the verb form
connect
show examples
 with society and to solve
this
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
problems
 we should learn more about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 at schools and colleges while the administration would solve
problems
 with misery and global
nature
problems
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: