The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Obesity
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has increased sharply among
children
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in Western society over the
last
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decade.
This
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trend is
due to
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unhealthy eating habits and inactive lifestyles, which cause many
children
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to become overweight. These developments largely stem from a societal preference for convenience, but their effects can be harmful to
children
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's long-term mental and physical health. One major cause of childhood
obesity
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is poor dietary habits. Increasingly,
children
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choose fast food over healthier options, contributing to weight gain.
Additionally
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, many
children
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spend excessive amounts of time playing video games
instead
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of engaging in outdoor activities with friends. The
conseqiences
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consequences
of
This
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lack of physical activity
is
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are
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often a result of parents providing electronic devices rather than encouraging participation in sports or other active play. The consequences of childhood
obesity
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include a range of health problems,
such
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as chronic diseases like diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. These conditions can endanger a child's life in many ways and may
also
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negatively impact their mental health as they grow. Another issue is that
obesity
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often leads to low self-esteem.
In addition
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, Overweight
children
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are more likely to be bullied and excluded by their peers because they look or behave differently, which can increase feelings of depression. In conclusion, the proportion of obese
children
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in society has risen significantly, primarily
due to
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poor diets and sedentary lifestyles.
Moreover
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, the effects of these habits on
children
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are serious and wide-ranging.
However
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, by addressing these issues early in childhood, much can be done to help
children
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grow into healthy, well-functioning adults.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main point. Make sure each point is explained well, with clear reasoning.
task achievement
Include specific examples or statistics to better support your arguments about causes and effects. This could help enhance your essay's effectiveness.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a nice structure to the writing.
task achievement
You clearly state the causes of childhood obesity, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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