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Band 5.5

Many young people change their jobs and careers. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#people #change #jobs #careers
Having a
job
 nowadays is not
easy
Add an article
an easy
show examples
 goal to achieve,as
people
 have a lot of competitors and
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 field now is easy to get in and not rely
entirly
Correct your spelling
entirely
 anymore on
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 certificates only.
Although
,most of
youth
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the youth
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 today are pointing their targets towards changing their places of work
instead
on
Change preposition
of
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 being in
same
Change the article
the same
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worplace
Correct your spelling
workplace
 for a long time.
this
 essay will argue the benefits
besides
consequencies
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consequences
 which
resulting
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
on
Change preposition
from
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 that. Some
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 of careers as soon as they graduates,making their
first
 goal
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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to be
financialy
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financially
dependant
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dependent
show examples
.For them changing jobs
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 them chances to face different challenges and collect more
experiance
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experience
.
As
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For
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example
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an example
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, studies made in
UK
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the UK
show examples
 recently
shows
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show
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 that
people
tends
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tend
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 to change their jobs at least three times before they reach age 40. As result , they can manage their decisions
then
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than
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 more easily and with
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a confidant
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confidant
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confidence
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. On the other side,there are some
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who tends
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tends
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tend
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 to have a steady and stable life.they
are considers
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are considered
are considering
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 the
job
 as
its
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it's
it is
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 a good chance for promoting and increasing
salary
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their salary
show examples
 regularly with spending more years in it.If we looked
for example
 to the Middle East area,we find that
Correct article usage
the periority
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periority
Correct your spelling
priority
 there is to own or rent a house near the workplace and
establishing
Wrong verb form
establish
show examples
 a family,for them changing the
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
carrier
 or
job
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more
consequencies
Correct your spelling
consequences
 they are not always ready to handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. In conclusion,if
people
 start to think of changing their work
ar
Correct your spelling
or
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 career,they should be ready to deal with both sides of
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
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 their decision.In my opinion,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 necessary to change my
job
,but
that
Correct word choice
apply
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only if the
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
then
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more rational and reasonable to take.
Submitted by mr.mohamedfouad1012 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career switch
  • job dissatisfaction
  • financial incentives
  • personal fulfillment
  • professional advancement
  • exploratory journey
  • toxic workplace
  • acquisition of new competencies
  • workplace flexibility
  • adapting to evolving industries
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