IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The majority of the public thinks that enhancing the amount of
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities is a convenient way to develop society's form. Another part of the community says that
this
Linking Words
 choice may have less impact on public well-being , and other ways are demanded. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and give the reasons for my statements. It is a fact that various
sports
Use synonyms
 have essential impacts on people's healthy lifestyles.Sedentary lifestyle causes many illnesses , and dealing with exercise routinely and appropriately may reduce stress levels and can reduce the risk of several ailments ,
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure, different heart problems, obesity and so on.
Furthermore
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, a suitable
health
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 program demands proper nutrition , and a healthy diet program has beneficial effects on individuals' states and their sleep and digestive systems.
For instance
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, recent research conducted by The National
Health
Use synonyms
 Government demonstrates that the to engage in athletics decreases the risk of critical ailments several times.
Although
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 athletics have several pros for public
health
Use synonyms
 , in my opinion, they alone are not enough , and other measures are required. Other vital situations worth considering are nutrition and routine check-ups. If individuals engage in
sports
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but don't pay attention to diet , in
this
Linking Words
 case , exercise can lose its main effects.
Moreover
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, people should pursue their analysis results and have a check-up done at a certain period of time.
Furthermore
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, public members must give up harmful habits ,
such
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 as drugs, alcohol and smoking.
For instance
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, statistics reveal that deaths caused by noxious addictions among people have increased several-fold compared to previous years.
Overall
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, in my opinion ,
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities have various beneficial effects on public
health
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;
however
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, it can be more profitable if it is done with other measures ( proper nutrition , giving up dangerous things , routine controls and so on).

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structure
Make the topic clear at the start of each body paragraph
content
Give one strong example for each view and explain how it links to the point
grammar
Use short, simple sentences and check grammar
vocabulary
Fix common mistakes like 'The National Health Government' and 'to engage in athletics'
conclusion
End with a clear conclusion that restates your view
content
You discuss both sides and give your own view
structure
There is a clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion
content
You talk about health topics and real concerns
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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